In order to attract this seemingly rare and elusive relationship, one must first investigate and understand what a “conscious relationship” means and what it takes to create, develop and sustain this experience in both your inner and outer world. The word “conscious” is often defined as a purposeful, intentional, aware or awakened perspective. It simply means that you have realized an awareness of a deeper and more subtle reality through direct experience. You have become awakened to the concept of more, other and beyond your present perception. The word “relationship” refers to the ability, manner, sense or state of how you relate to that now more-conscious reality.

In the spiritual pop-culture world, there is a lot of hype around the concept of spiritual awakening. Much energy is spent expounding the awakened state. But what most do not realize is that the true process of self-realization is less about your awakening and more about how you are presently integrating this new awareness and relationship to self into every aspect of your life. This is where the deeper journey of consciousness really begins.

Spiritual circles also over-simplify the concept that “like attracts like”, giving weight to the idea that being conscious should naturally attract someone that is also conscious. But being conscious just means having a deeper insight and a more expanded view of your inner and outer reality. There is a deep-rooted misconception that an aware perspective is the most necessary ingredient to creating a spiritually satisfying relationship. And though it is a necessary beginning, it is not enough.

In the journey of self-exploration, a truly aware individual will eventually find it impossible to maintain passivity, complacency and living by default. You now see more, and you must also make intentional decisions about how you are consciously relating to your sense of self, the different relative aspects of your being, and the world around you.

At some point, you must delve into these various aspects of your being and consciously investigate, understand, purify and refine the inner conditioning that is influencing your manifestation. You always create every outer relationship from a multidimensional reality that not only includes your awareness and your conscious intention but also all your unconscious beliefs, filters and programming, as well as your conditioned personality structure. You manifest from the totality of everything that you are—from every aspect of your being, not just from what you consciously desire.

So, the passive lens of an aware perspective is never going to be enough to create that truly fulfilling, conscious relationship that you crave—until you create it within. You must also embark on a journey of profound discovery and integration, nurture deep self-availability, and actively transform your inner relationship from unconsciousness to consciousness, contraction to expansion, immaturity to maturity, and reactivity to responsibility.

With this conscious understanding of the true nature of the journey, all your outer relationships can now become a reflection to illuminate every aspect of your state of being. Relationships can offer a profound invitation for internal healing, investigation and refinement. They become a wonderful barometer that reveals where you have evolved and what you still need to explore and integrate.

The journey of self-purification is an ongoing process of growth, expansion and integration. You begin by refining all of your (inner and outer) contractive patterns and distortions. Then you focus the rest of your life on enjoying the experience of refining your refinements. And your relationship to all of your relationships is the key.