February is love month; yet, for some, it can be incredibly painful; a time to be reminded of the heartache of not having love or a partner with whom to share it. With the divorce rate for first-time marriages holding steady at around 50 percent and higher estimates for the second and third go-rounds, is a trip to the altar the kiss of death to a relationship?

Naturally, everyone is eager to avoid the pain and suffering of failed relationships. Quantum physics sheds some interesting light on love, and those interested in an enlightened relationship may find answers in this fascinating science. Quantum theory teaches that the world around us is our own creation and externally mirrors what we create inside our own inner universe of thoughts, beliefs and feelings. Nothing exists until we focus on it, according to some renowned physicists, such as Fred Allen Wolf, a participant in the film What the Bleep Do We Know. If the external world is a mirror of what’s going on inside a person’s psyche, it stands to reason that the only way to change what is occurring externally is to change it internally.

A process for applying this concept to any problem was codified into four simple questions in Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. For a couple that has decided divorce is the only way out of the deep unhappiness caused by their marital problems, Katie’s first question probes, “Is it true?” The process goes on to investigate the statement with three more questions, followed by the chance to change their thoughts about the situation.

Similarly, quantum physics suggests that each partner reflect internally and search for the parts of the problem that have arisen from personal, individual thoughts. Most of us prefer to blame others rather than take responsibility for our part in the process, but only by taking a personal approach will we be able to heal the hurt.

If quantum physics is correct, and nothing can show up in either partner’s outer experience except as it is created by the separate and individual internal focus of each person, it would make sense to see if inner work will also resolve the problem.

Instead of looking externally at love then, perhaps we should go inside to see if we truly feel worthy of love. We must ask if we love and appreciate ourselves. Perhaps checking inside will fix what’s going on outside.

Vivian R. Probst is a trained linguist, a national consultant and trainer to the affordable housing industry and a published author. For more information, visit DeathByRoses.com.